Maria (Updated)
Jorge Hernandez is a fictional character in the Hernandez series. To learn more about this series, go to www.mimaonfire.com. This blog is from his viewpoint.
If you read my first blog post, you will know that I have an 11-year-old daughter named Maria. She is what has changed me from being an uncaring, heartless monster to the man I am today. Although some may say that I am still not perfect, I would have to argue that perfection is not the point. I believe that we can do a little better each day, and with my daughter in my life, this has encouraged me to step up as a man. She is my heart.
Nothing and no one could've made me see the world through such a different set of eyes before my daughter. Until her birth, I had no interest in doing anything but being the most powerful man in Mexico. I had something to prove, and some would say I was successful. However, it was an empty victory, as are many goals centered on status. In your mind, you feel it is everything. In your heart, you know better.
Maria's mother, unfortunately, was not a good woman. A drug fiend, it was many years later that I learned some of the terrible things that my little girl saw as a young child. Where I was often away with work, it was Verónic that I trusted to take care of my daughter, but I did not know her drug problem was so bad. I did not know she had people in the house, snorting cocaine in full view, where my Maria could walk in anytime and see. What kind of mother is that I ask? After all, I am not a saint. And yet, you would not ever see me do such things in front of any child, let alone my own.
We learn many hard lessons in our lives and this is one of my biggest regrets. I should have known that this was happening. I regret not being home more often, and yet, how could I have known? Then again, how could I have been so naive?
My daughter, she has grown up too fast. Some would say that this is because she is an only child, but I believe it is also because she was forced to do so. Having a mother who is incapable of properly looking after a child makes life difficult. My Maria had to learn how to be both an adult and a child. This is not right. I also believe that all the death that surrounded her at such a young age has not helped either.
But Maria, she is a strong-willed child. She can be defiant and bold; some would say, much like her Papá. Me, I do not know if this is true. Then again, perhaps I hate to admit it. It is when she angers me that I see myself in her eyes. Perhaps, that is what parenting is about: seeing yourself through a different set of eyes, and often, it is not the pretty picture you may wish for.
Nothing and no one could've made me see the world through such a different set of eyes before my daughter. Until her birth, I had no interest in doing anything but being the most powerful man in Mexico. I had something to prove, and some would say I was successful. However, it was an empty victory, as are many goals centered on status. In your mind, you feel it is everything. In your heart, you know better.
Maria's mother, unfortunately, was not a good woman. A drug fiend, it was many years later that I learned some of the terrible things that my little girl saw as a young child. Where I was often away with work, it was Verónic that I trusted to take care of my daughter, but I did not know her drug problem was so bad. I did not know she had people in the house, snorting cocaine in full view, where my Maria could walk in anytime and see. What kind of mother is that I ask? After all, I am not a saint. And yet, you would not ever see me do such things in front of any child, let alone my own.
We learn many hard lessons in our lives and this is one of my biggest regrets. I should have known that this was happening. I regret not being home more often, and yet, how could I have known? Then again, how could I have been so naive?My daughter, she has grown up too fast. Some would say that this is because she is an only child, but I believe it is also because she was forced to do so. Having a mother who is incapable of properly looking after a child makes life difficult. My Maria had to learn how to be both an adult and a child. This is not right. I also believe that all the death that surrounded her at such a young age has not helped either.
But Maria, she is a strong-willed child. She can be defiant and bold; some would say, much like her Papá. Me, I do not know if this is true. Then again, perhaps I hate to admit it. It is when she angers me that I see myself in her eyes. Perhaps, that is what parenting is about: seeing yourself through a different set of eyes, and often, it is not the pretty picture you may wish for.
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